"It is a Friday afternoon on the Daily Telegraph comment desk, early June, 2012. The phone rings. I pick up. The ensuing conversation goes something like this. “Hello?” “Ah, yes. Yes. Um … hello … it’s …um … “ “Hi Boris, what’s up?” “It’s just … um … ah … about this Sunday … “ “What about it, Boris?” “Well, the thing is I … ah … might have to file my column a bit later than usual. You see, I’ll be … um … on a boat with the … um … well … the Queen.This was not welcome news. Boris Johnson warning he would be filing late was like Quentin Tarantino warning his next film would be violent. Boris always filed late."